Ken ❤️

Imagine this. Your name is ken. You’re really hot. You’ve just had a terrible dinner with your girlfriend Vanessa. You hit your head on the table and it hurt a lot :(. You know whose fault it is. BARRY B BENSON. You walk into the bathroom while he pees. The fight begins...

Barry whistles as you approach the bathroom. You walk in, holding the Italian Vogue you found tight outside.

“You know I’ve just about had it with your... little mind games,” you say.

“What’s that?” Barry asks, seeing the magazine in your hand.

“Italian Vogue,” you say with a smirk, wrapping your hands around it.

“Mamma Mia! That’s a lot of pages!” Barry exclaims, now scared of you. You feel powerful, and you like it.

“It’s a lot of ads,” you explain, confident enough to joke around.

“Remember what Van said: why is your life any more valuable than mine?” Barry says, tying to get out of it. Stupid bee with his stupid MIND GAMES. You don’t care about Barry’s life. It’s worth n o t h i n g.

“That’s funny, I just can’t seem to reCALL!” YOU SCREECH, HITTING BARRY WITH THE MAGAZINE. HE FLIES OFF WHILE YOUR RAGE PROPELS YOU TO ATTACK FURTHER

“AaAaaAaaAAA” Barry yelps as he flies across the bathroom. Slippery little guy, but you know what to do, after all, fire kills bees cuz bees don’t smoke.

“I THINK SOMETHING STINKS IN HERE” you scream, spraying Barry with an air freshener.

“Oh, I love the smell of flowers :)” Barry says. Who does he think he is? Like the smell of flowers... pfft. YOURE ABOUT TO TEACH THIS BEE A LESSON

“WELL HOW DO YOU LIKE THE SMELL OF FLAMES” you exclaim, pulling out a lighter in front of the air freshener.

“Not as much!” Barry says “AAAAAAR” HE SCREAMS AS THE YOU PRESS THE LIGHTER AND FLAMES ERUPT ACROSS THE BATHROOM. ANGER, HATRED, AND YOUR ISSUES BURN THE BEE WITH FLAMES THE TEMPERATURE OF MELTED TUNGSTEN.

The toilet paper roll is disintegrated by your power. Barry, flies up, gasping for breath. You won’t let him breath. You won’t let him survive.

WITH ONE BIG SWEEPING MOTION YOU BRING THE FLAMES OVER YOUR HEAD, FOLLOWING THE BEE LIKE A HOUND WITH THE SCENT OF A CRIMINAL. THE FLAMES LICK THE CIELING, LEAVING IT SLIGHTLY SINGED.

“WHooOOoHOoAaaAa” Barry cries.

Meanwhile, Vanessa does the dishes, oblivious to the destruction in the bathroom. As you aim the fire at Barry, your foot slips... something wet and slippery... it’s.. it’s..

ITALIAN VOGUE MAGAZINE!

Before you can regain your balance, you’re falling. Spinning with no sense of direction. Suddenly, bathtub. You feel the cold smooth surface under you, just as the shower curtain falls over your head, blinking you. You lie for a minute, and just as you regain enough consciousness to join the fight, a flying air freshener bottle hits you in the head.

“AaaAaUuuRrrRrGGHHH” you screech.

When a small rubber duck hits your forehead, you know. The fun and games are over. Time for lethal.

You pick up the fallen shower head from the bathtub floor.

“WaTeRbUg nOT TaKInG sIdES” a small voice peeps. You don’t care, so you ignore the small roach. You turn the shower setting to your favorite... LETHAL.

Barry says something but you’re not listening. You’re focused om one thing and one thing only: kill. That. Bee.

“IVE GOT ISSUES” YOU YELL, AND PRESS THE TRIGGER.

“AKDJRKSIWJDJFOR” says Barry, and falls directly into the toilet. Things are going well!

“Well, well, well,” you joke, “royal flush!”

“You’re bluffing” says Barry, but you can see the fear in his eyes. He knows. You know. He will die.

“Am I?” You chuckle, reaching for the flush button. You turn it, and the water begins to rumble. You have no regrets. You look down into the toilet as Barry screams, being sucked down. He grabs a nail file and somehow... surfs his way out?

“Surfs up dude” he says as he jumps out and splashes you with some water.

Water.

From.

The.

Toilet.

No. This can’t be happening. It can’t be. But it is. You eyes squint, your hands instinctively protect your face. A little bit of water gets in your mouth.

There. What do you say? What do you do? There is only one answer to this question.

“EW POO WATER!”